Ah the age old art, practiced by politicians, cheating partners and lawyers; Lying.
Most of us have been lied to most of our lives, we are brought up with lies.
Some of the classic lies that we were told as kids were things like Santa, the tooth fairy and if you play with it too much you will get hair on your palms.
Other classic lies through the ages include gems such as “The cheque is in the mail” and of course “I promise I won’t come in your mouth babe”
But the question remains, who lies more? Men? or women?
The way I see it is that men tell more lies, But they tell loads of small lies;
“I’ll be home in 20 minutes”
“I’ll take the trash out when there’s an ad break”
“I wasn’t smoking in the toilet”
However women tell bigger lies such as;
“It’s your baby.”
I remember Chris Rock going on about how everything about a woman is a complete lie.
That “smoking” hot tall chick you saw in the club? Well when she removes the hair extensions, the wonder bra, the make-up and the high heels what are you left with? Danny Devito.
But, after trying to think of which are the biggest lies ever told, I think the most commonly told lie has to be “I do.”
OK so here’s a thought right,
When we are born we get given an identity number, American’s get a social security number and so on.
What if they also issued you with a personal I.P. address ?
It’s yours for life.
Well mind you, much like a dhcp issued address, the lease would eventually expire, in this case, when you die.
It could be used for external devices, or you can program the address into an internal device (I’m talking an internal into your body device) like a USB device, except it gets inserted into your brain via your rectum or something and then ties into a brain CMS and can even allow you to back up your brain or even format it.
Sure the external thing would be cool, you can use your IP as a gateway to an internal network, but its YOUR IP address, it goes everwhere you go, if you want of course.
The uses for a personal I.P. connected to an internal device would be mind blowing, I mean imagine being anywhere in the world and getting your mail pushed to your brain. You dont even need to read it, cause its there, you just need to remember it or recall it from memory.
Stream a movie right from itunes straight into your brain!
You would be sitting at a restaurant having lunch with a friend and it would be like
“So like dude, have you watched Sherlock Holmes yet?”
and you would be like
“I am, hang on, this is a cool part I’m experiencing”
Imagine the whole world of Thought Blogging. You think and your blog updates. Although if you are a guy and married, make sure your wife doesn’t subscribe to your rss feed, afterall we think about sex every 6 minutes.
You get home and your wife is like “You want to do WHAT to my sister?”
But I digress.
Imagine uploading to YouTube straight from your eyes! No need for a camera.
All you need to be is in wifi connecting distance from any hot spot and you are WIRED!
There would be a downside though.
Say you skip work for a day and then the next day your boss is like,”so where were you?” and you like “oh I was at home with a migraine” and then he goes “Bullshit! I did a tracert on your IP and the 2nd last hop was the 14th green at Kensington Golf Course!”
You would be kinda fucked.
The world would be a different place. Say Zuma dissapears, the headlines would read:
“Zuma feared dead, no reply to ping”
Mind you, if you are Zuma or Julius Malema, chances are you are going to find yourself getting DDossed pretty often.
And then of course you would have to deal with brain hackers, not to mention that everytime there’s an Earthquake in Haiti or a Tsunami hits East Asia, a million americans would get pissed off because 100 000 peers disconnected from the torrent swarm.
The upside to that though is that theres some spare bandwidth and your download speed should increase if you are using RapidShare.
Of course the biggest selling point would be the matrix like learn-karate-in-2-minutes upload thingy!
Thats it, I’m sold.
Where do I sign?
How many times a day do you encounter a car guard? At the gym? Outside the Spar? At the movies? At a sports function?
Do they really serve a purpose? Are car guards a preventative solution or a counter productive scam?
I don’t pay car guards. End of story.
I not only do not pay them, but I also believe that the practice should be outlawed or regulated by an authoritative body.
It’s not about lack of compassion or a racist issue because I don’t pay any car guards regardless of their race or creed.
The reason why I take such a strong stance in this is because every single day we are bound to run into a car guard at any place that we go to. At the gym, when you go out for lunch, when you return to your car after shopping, when you go to the movies or a sport function.
If you had to pay even just R5 to each car guard you encounter during your normal day, you could be spending up to R450 a month to pay car guards. Surely this is why we pay for car insurance? Now your monthly R1 000 that you pay for insurance has just turned into R1450 a month.
Insurance is supposed to be an insurance against fire, theft or a 3rd party claim. So what happens if your car gets stolen while under the care of a self appointed car guard? Does the car guard pay you out?
Not in this lifetime.
And what about the number of times people have claimed that their vehicles had been broken into while under the supposed care of a car guard? How many people believe that car guards are responsible for many of the thefts and damage to cars?
I particularly remember the story of a gentleman who came out of a popular Johannesburg shopping centre and was followed to his car by a car guard who told him on the way that everything was fine with his car, hoping for a nice tip.
Only when they arrived at the where the car had been parked, the car was gone. Was it the car guard’s fault? Not really no, but this just strengthens my argument that they are not really there to watch your car as much as they are to watch their own pockets.
What about the car guard who gets back at a person who didn’t pay him by damaging their car the next time they encounter it?
South Africans are forced into actually paying the fees to avoid a backlash.
And it is with this reason that I find that the self made profession of guarding cars is nothing more than extortion and a scourge.
Shopping centres and other places where car theft might be a problem should employ car guards and pay them themselves and not force the public to pay a car guard to do a half job.
Those that prowl public streets should be paid for by the municipality, properly appointed, registered and with the proper attire.
This extortion has to stop.
How soon until you back out of your driveway only to be accosted by someone who tells you “Hey, I’ll watch your house for you…”
Front page of the Citizen today.
The cops say that crime is down overall, however statistically you’re more likely to get hijacked, robbed or have a child killed.
The stats are actually disgustingly scary, compared to the same period last year:
Robberies on business are up 47%
Truck Hijackings are up 40%
House robberies up nearly 14%
Car hijackings up by 4.4%
Attacks on children rose by 22%
Attempted murder up nearly 14%
The biggest jump was ATM bombings – up over 1000% from 2005 and up nearly 70% from 2007.
Ok, so seeing that cash in transit heists are down and ATM bombings are up, its obvious that ATM bombing is more lucrative than cash in transit heisting.
And safer too.
All round, ATM bombings are better for everyone for a number of reasons.
1. ATM’s don’t shoot back
2. No lives are lost when bombing an ATM (mostly)
3. No other vehicles in the vicinity are harmed
4. ATM’s are insured.
5. You dont need to kill anyone to get to the ATM
6. The notes wont be sprayed with ink (although some might be a bit charred)
So do your bit and bomb an ATM today
Someone emailed this to me today – thought I would share it.
I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back patio and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.
But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the sh1t. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table…everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned aggressive. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.
And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn’t even sit in my own back garden anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be….. Quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
Now let’s see….. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.
Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands.
Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child’s class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to ‘press one’ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than the Flag are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.
Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for the government to take down the bird feeder.