In Computers
Picture this.
Family from the coast comes to visit, you get invited over to your mother’s house for lunch and everyone is sitting around the lunch table making small talk.
< Aunt> so, what do you do ?
< Me> I am …
( My mother proudly butts in )
< My Mother> He is in computers!
< Aunt> really?? All young men are today hey? Isn’t it fascinating! But I don’t understand the darn things.
< Me> errr..
* me bangs head repeatedly on table
My rant is that
You can be an IT helpdesk jockey
You can be a SYS admin
You can be a LINUX FIREWALL ADMIN
You can be a systems analyst
You can be a Perl, C, C++,C# PHP, MYSQL developer
You can be an SEO consultant
You can be a security Specialist
You can be a Database Administrator
You can be a Network engineer, an mcse, mcp, mcsd, a to z
You could be a qualified Cisco CNE, CCNA with double cheese, extra pickles, fries on the side with a large chocolate shake
but to your family you will always be “in computers”
The ever so slightly smarter ones however assume that they are “down with it” and think that they understand somewhat and try throw in a buzzword or 2
< My Sister> my brother is in IT!
know what I mean?
What grinds my kidney even more is if you are, say, an Oracle Database Administrator or a Systems or Business Analyst.
And you are at lunch with the family.
< Uncle> so what do you do ?
< Me> I am a Business Analyst.
< Uncle> oh nice…
< Uncle> but what does a Business Analyser do?
< Me> a Business ANALYST goes in and analyses a particular portion of a business, he looks for flaws and finds solutions, he then designs a new or redefined business process for the business unit within that organization, the BA maps out a business specification according to the business’ needs, then gets developers to provide a working software solution to fulfil those needs. The BA then liaises with the developers, assisting in testing and implementation. The BA is instrumental is rolling out changes to existing structures and deployment of those changes.
< Uncle> HUH?
< Me> -sigh- I’m in computers uncle
< Uncle> AHH!
* me bangs head repeatedly on table
Another thing that is enough to make me commit murder is the fact that according to everyone not “in computers” everyone that is “in computers” is a technician.
< Stupid Cousin> Hey I heard what you were saying to my dad, so you in computers huh ?
< me> you could say that.
< Stupid Cousin> So you know quite a bit then hey ?
< me> a fair amount yeah
< Stupid Cousin> cool, I was wondering if you could help me, cos I got this problem with my computer. we bought a computer and we got the internet at home but….
* me bangs head repeatedly on table
Everything is related when it comes to computers
< Other stupid cousin> Yeah and we got a game that came with the computer but we can’t get it working.. do you think that you could maybe…*Choke Choke Gurgle*
< Shrieking Aunt> *SHRIEK* Let go of my child’s throat you horrible man!
< Uncle> Lets get out of here these computer people are weird.
On a serious note, a member of my family, who at the time owned a butchery, asked me to come over and fix his printer to which I replied
“Sure. R150 an hour”
He replied, shocked of course “But but but we are family!”
I replied coolly “Yes and its my expertise. I studied, went to college and read many books to apply what I learnt to put food on my table, if you insist that you don’t pay me because we are family then I insist that I come to your butchery and help myself to fillets and other nice cuts of meat. Just because my knowledge isn’t tangible does not make it yours to abuse.”
And that has been my stance ever since.
As a note to friends and family of people “In computers” here are some handy hints to stay on their good side.
1. Know their job title. It seriously helps when you are able to say with confidence “My son/brother/boyfriend is a CISCO Engineer/Security Analyst/Linux Administrator”
2. Stop calling them for help, unless of course if you are immediate family ( siblings, parents and grandparents get free tech support as long as you repay the favour by buying my groceries in return or put me in your will )
3. Don’t try make small talk and slip the work “computer” into the conversation. EVER. If the person thats “in computers” initiates the conversation then you may respond at will. Remember though, you know nothing compared to me.
4. Ask their advice, not their help, if they want to help they’ll offer it. Practice saying: “Hi there oh great brother of mine, I am wondering if I could trouble you for your advice, my computer is on the blink and I thought it best I ask you instead of the guy at the computer shop on the corner as I value your knowledge above anybody else’s” as that will get you further than saying “Can you come over tonight and check out my laptop? I spilt water on it”
5. Don’t ever undermine the knowledge of a friend or sibling that’s “In Computers” The minute you utter “But the guy from the computer shop said that…” will be the last time your sibling or friend will willingly help you. You are messing with our egos dammit.
6. If your brother/husband/friend/ knows Linux, Dont bring up Windows, it is beneath him. If he knows Windows don’t mention Linux, he won’t admit to not knowing linux so you might strike a blow to his ego. Tread carefully. If he knows both, Compliment him. Repeatedly.
and ladies pay special attention.
7. If you know that your man knows a bit about computers and is trying his level headed best to learn more and has potential then encourage him.
If he doesnt know jack and can’t even program a VCR then gently urge him away from computers altogether and instead compliment him on the size of his penis. A man needs at least one thing to feel good about.
What about the ladies ‘in computers’?
There is no such thing…
I’ll have to write up something about ladies in computers sometime.
Ok, you go to a club and meet some real nice gal and she asks you what you do for a living… are you really gonna say ‘im a Perl, C, C++,C# PHP, MYSQL developer’… I doubt it… to save yourself all the trouble you’ll say im ‘in computers’ or deny that and say… im a business man!!
Rush, do not go there, please!
haha funny dude
Why should we obey those rules? Specifically, why should people who know YOU obey those rules? You’re totally the kind of person with whom it’d be far more entertaining to jerk around and keep insisting you’re “in computers” just to get that nice head-bangy-strangulation effect.
Heehee.
A picture of me
Do I look like the kind of guy that you want to jerk around ?
Do I fit your stereotypical geek look?
NO.
he he he…IT people are so needed but sometimes so ignored by the masses..
*ROAR* Down Rush! Down!!
As an extension of this may I add something else… as a person working “with” computers it is usually thought by some close family that when I visit I need to use their computer and have even had an email set up just for me. What exactly do they think I need to do when all my systems are on my machines. When going to a family funeral once I was offered to be driven so that I could “do my work” on a laptop in the back seat. Yeah right! As if I would be given the head space to be left alone. And then there is this awe and wonderment because I “work in computers”. Oh yes, the friends of extended family who phone up all hours for tech help… and what did we get for a wedding present for all those Saturday mornings blurred by their phone calls? A measly pair of regular sheets. Pah! But I really don’t mind helping my own friends and have all the time in the world for them.
Great post – kept me reading but I don’t think much of the bum crack beneath this post!
Ooh, I know all about it. Drives me nutz, especially when they call about problems with their 7 year old piece of crap PC.
Rush, my fellow ranter. I see that stereotyping in all trades. I am a Plumbing, Heating and air-conditioner service technician. But I have been called “toilet guy” by secretaries upon my arrival. I have been called “heat man” and many other stupid titles. Do you know I make 29 bucks an hour and some secretary who is only concerned about her nails, demeans me, unknowingly. I have so many years of class and hands-on training for my job, and do I truly care? no, I look at my bank account in comparison to some 10 dollars an hour desk jockey, and I smile.
Doooood, this shit is sooo funny! like, real true, and thats sucks, but sooo funny! :p
oh, ps… as for the /*geek/* pic of you… scaaaary mannn, scaaaaary :p
Oh, that was sooo funny.
That was me when I was a developer. Banging my head…
Happy I found your blog today
um, except.. you consistently mis-spelled computar
make your time
I’d just say I’m in the realm of ascending to the next level that will pwn you all Lol.
Hilarious!
This really strikes home.
Ah, techies, *cringe*.
So very true, haha. Great post.
That was very Interesting and very funny.
Excellent post Rush!
I can relate to just about everyhing you said!
I experienced the relatives and friends of friends expecting free tech-support, my mother proudly butting in and best of all the family member who thinks “he’s down with it”!!
As you said:
“Just because my knowledge isn’t tangible does not make it yours to abuse”
I will be adopting this same approach from here on in.
LOL, I remember reading this when you first wrote it. T’was nice to read it again
You won’t believe it, but I also have family members who do that with me
To try and explain that I can’t possibly know why Word crashes whenever the spacebar, CTRL & F2 keys are pressed simultaneously – when Microsoft don’t even know the reason?
And then you get that stare which insinuates that you don’t want to help them.
*sigh*
man couldn’t have said it better. I am tired of fixing computers for friends.
Can you help fix my PC?
reboot.