Resume of George W. Bush
RESUME
GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC
20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE
LAW ENFORCEMENT
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol.
I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver’s license suspended for 30 days.
My Texas driving record has been “lost” and is not available.
MILITARY
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.
By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam
COLLEGE
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975.
I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas .
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was
elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father’s appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.
My “poorest millionaire,” Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with theU.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I
have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip- offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. “prisoners of war” detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the record for
fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.
After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the WorldTrade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the
world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the
record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunker Buster,” a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
I am a member of the Republican Party.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MID-TERM ELECTIONS.
DISCLAIMER:
While the above somewhat rings very true ( I did google some of the allegations mentioned herein and found them to be true) its still a parody.
George W. Bush is not my president so I gain nothing by publishing this parody or any other article for or against the Bush administration. I am not a politician nor am I an American. While some may think it insensitive of me, I did have a good laugh, and thats what counts.
Following a recent argument over content on this blog that some people deemed to view me as a bigot and a hypocrite, I have felt the need to post a disclaimer so as to prevent offending visitors to my blog. I feel that when the need arises to post a disclaimer on a parody on your blog, the world needs to hide it’s face in shame.
Sadly, I’m not sure how we can recover from what this man has done to our country. I also feel very sorry for the person who has to clean up his messes and mend all the fences he has disasterously done during his 8 year tyranny.
its nice whan u have a powerful father
I agree with all you say. I’m one of the 71% of Europeans who think his presidency is the biggest threat to world peace and security. Just look at how many Iraqi’s civilian have died (and the number of GIs killed in action). It just doesn’t add up to me.
Keep blogging!
RT
Well, I had a good chuckle and I’m a conservative supporter of Bush. And the disclaimer is only necessary for those fools that would deny any dissenting opinion.
Pretty much all politicians have skeletons in their closets. And in the case of Jim McGreevy the bones are… er, nevermind.
Fuck me! He’s way more intelligent than I thought!
The only people that should be offended by this are his supporters. And, only because they support him, no matter what. They get the money in THEIR pockets!! They should have their own “story” printed. Then what would they have to say!! There is no way to deny it, we have a real a**hole for a so called “President”.
How did this retard get into office? It was not by my vote.
Money is the route of all evil.
I’m a Canadian:
So I can be somewhat be objective.
What the hell are you guys doing down there?
We have one planet, clean up your act,do what
you have to do in the mid terms.
Im a brit, I find it amazing that parodies like this get slated by bush supporters for being “anti american”.
I love americans, and I love america! Bush on the other hand..
BTW I dont know too much about american political structure. What is/when is the mid terms? Can he be elected out on them?
I would love to see what everybody would do if our President would’nt care about oil. Oil is 1 of the things that makes the world go round you dumbass. If we didn’t have oil nobody would be able to drive your pretty little cars around. And 1 other thing, I think George Bush is a way better president than clinton ever was. You want to talk about a dumbass how about clinton a big fat ass liar for a president yea that makes since.
Clinton lied about his personal life. He lied about his infidelity. That has absolutly nothing to do with his ability to act as President of the United States.
Bush, on the other had has been lying to the citizens of this planet from day one about his intentions. He sidesteps his agenda to limit the rights and liberties of US citizens. He blatently lied, and continues to lie to the world about his intentions in the middle east. He does everything in his power to rape the people of the United States in order to line his pockets and the pockets of those close to him.
The man is confused, and thinks that he is the Emperor of the United States that can do whatever the hell he wants instead of the President of the United States that should be an extention of the will of the people.
His administration and supporters view the morally sound and intellegent people that speak out against his injustices as being unpatriotic because they don’t blindly follow our “leader.”
The biggest problem though, is that he is getting away with all of these atrocities, and STILL continues to have people support him.
Josh, yes, oil is important in our economy. We are over there killing thousands of people on their own soil, and losing thousands of our own citizens in the process. We’re spending billions upon billions of dollars on the war. Wouldn’t that much effort and money be better spent on finding ways to reduce our dependency on oil? Or at the very least, take the BILLIONS of dollars that is being spent on the war and BUY GAS FOR AMERICAN CITIZENS! (I kid)
First off, Clinton was a damn good president. He did wonders for our economy. If he was able to run again I would definately vote for him. Hell, I would vote for Hillary if SHE ran just because I know that he would be behind her. Bush is a joke and never should have been in office. I too, feel sorry for whoever has to clean up his mess.
You created that resume yourself? Very funny and very impressive! Wonder if I could have your permission to quote the entire resume on my blog, with a link back to you. Would that be all right?
Nice blog, by the way.
The resume wasnt my idea. However the one I did receive needed some touching up, the edited version is mine, youre more than welcome to use it.
Absolutely loved that. Here via BlogMad and that was worth everything I surfed through to find it. Excellent.
I’d absolutely vote for Clinton again if I could. And to that Bush-lovin-Clinton-basher, if the harshest thing you can say about Clinton is that he cheated on his wife, big deal. Maybe he was the first president to get caught with the ease to disseminate information via the Web and worldwide cable news, but if you think Clinton is the first president to get a BJ, literally in the Oval Office, then they have a surgical procedure available to cure that gullibility problem of yours.
> Umm How the hell do you know he’s lying. Becasue thats
> what you have been told by the fake ass news. Put
> yourself in his shoes. Your the PRESIDENT OF THE
> UNITED STATES and something like 911 happens. Has this
> ever happened to a president before NOOOO !!!!! So
> he’s made some bad decision’s so the hell what. I
> agree with what he did when 911 happened at first but
> i can admit that he got kind of side tracked with the
> war and he has taken a little more vacations than he
> should have but come on……. Like I said everybody
> needs to understand that this (911) has never happened
> to a president and then when it happened to him (bush)
> he’s just supposed to be perfect…. UMMM NO I DON”T
> THINK SO….. And if you think that clinton would have
> done any better than you should go see a doctor
> because you are crazy. Clinton was the joke of a
> president. And if Hilary clinton becomes
> president….. I will shoot myself in the eye.
Actually, this thing is almost entirely inaccurate. I was looking around Google and found a guy that has disputed with reference almost every point. He is a Bush supporter, however, he uses historical reference and hard-line facts to dispute most of the statements.
One thing I find hilarious is that everyone that supported Clinton on here seems to forget that all of the corruption that occurred in big business was during his watch. The state of the economy is directly linked to the crap that Clinton let big business get away with when he was in office. Not to mention the fact that Clinton gave presidential pardons to many of those involved with the corporate scandals we are dealing with and have been dealing with for the past 6 years. Bush is the one that’s been cleaning up the mess. The stockmarket is my business and has been sinice 1980, as someone who has watched and has historical reference, believe me Clinton did far more damage than good. I’m not saying Bush has done any better, and in some areas he has done far worse, but Clinton let people get away with murder and that’s one of the main reasons why we are in the boat we are in today. I think they should both be hung side by side – we need a movement to secure an honest and equal man for the next election.
website: http://web.archive.org/web/20050204034912/www.filestash.net/The_Truth.pdf
Thanks for this. You do realize it is the short version of his resume, or his crimes against humanity. God help us, we’ll all be lucky if The Decider doesn’t get the planet blown to smithereens.
all I see are people going “oh oh oh BUT CLINTON WAS WORSE!”
in a defiant will to try and defend Dubbya’s actions. That’s not going to solve the crisis that I see the USA heading for.
I think people need to forget about the past and look at the present, focus on whats happening now.
All I want to know is if so many people are aware and aknowledge that Dubbya made some horrendous descisions, how on earth did he get a 2nd term????
“I think people need to forget about the past and look at the present, focus on whats happening now. “—That’s a funny and hypocritical statement to make right after posting a “resume”. Resumes are collections of PAST education, training and experience. It seems okay to attack an easy target, until someone touches a nerve(Clinton) and then we suddenly need to focus on the road ahead instead of learning from our past!
What a cunt!
As much as i agree with everything that has been written within this website… Bush is not the only one to blame, even though he is the root of the problem. Congress, and their gang mentality, have let this destruction of the greatest super power in the world continue for years without question… well if you look at it like that though, the people of the United States of America are to blame as well. And the only thing we can do is to realize that the super wealthy, aristocrats DO NOT CARE ABOUT US!!!… so why do they run the country I live in??… (and i dont know how people in other countries are for certain) but we are semi-conscious, fat, lazy people who don’t want to take responsibility for pollution, wars, OR bad presidents (who use their office for more wealth and power)… So if there are any people reading this who are from outside the U.S., just remember that we aren’t all bad, and realize that power corrupts.
Cracked me up. If you can’t take the piss out of Bush who else is there?…..oh yeah, Blair, Brown, Prescott, Cameron. There’s probably more Yanks n all but Bush as outshone them all by miles
You guys are fucked up beyond belief! Shame on you fucking morons! You’re a bunch of whining spoiled ass spineless mama’s wimps. No nothing about fighting for our freedoms. You eat your fast foods, run here and there in your gas guzzling SUVs, run up your electric bills, dispose of your petroleum based plastics, bury yourself in debt and whine about George Bush.
You dumb fucks are clueless and need your whining asses stomped into the ground.
Bunch of fucking crybabies!!!!!!!!!!
i think this bastard should be in peach and dick the prick to for the dumass people that voted for this dum ass i hope you love your gas prices now george is a damm crook and so is dick bald head to make exxon moble more richer and george and dick the prick to
All this shit and he didn’t smoke pot?
A little harsh, One could write a glowing resume for Hitler. The idealist vegetarian family man who does not drink. I would never talk that bad about any body in the world.