Paul De Sousa

Interesting story, good twists, interesting characters. A few relatively minor typos or grammatical errors along the way that should be easy to clean up but overall well written. I’m inclined to think the ending would’ve been better left without the main character spelling out his saviors identities to the audience, however.

And calling Lucifer “Lucy” was clever. Good job.

Very Interesting
“There is much more to this
selfish bastard than meets the eye!”

Have a nice week-end!

Really good work I knew the story would be good just when I started reading it, The control over what the reader knows and how to surprise him is really well executed.

If you hv written more stories I would love to read them. I hv been writing short stories for a while now, If ur intrested you can check them out in my blog

Well, what can I say? I have said before that you are an amazing writer and this story proves it.

I really enjoyed your other stories but I love this one.

If only you had more time to write

Nice story line. A couple of paragraphs could do with a revisit I think (read the ‘vomiting’ paragraph to yourself. I think that’s the main one).

My main comment would be that you seem to have crammed an awful lot into a short space and as a result the second half seems a little forced with too much exposition. I can’t help thinking this would work better as a longer story, maybe a novella, where you had a chance to develop the background characters and his history a bit more.

Cheers

Mike