Comments on: The knights of DOM http://www.pauldesousa.co.za/the-knights-of-dom Free rollin' Fri, 02 Sep 2011 12:46:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: rush http://www.pauldesousa.co.za/the-knights-of-dom/comment-page-1#comment-410 rush Mon, 31 Jul 2006 08:48:35 +0000 http://www.theselfishbastard.com/?p=213#comment-410 Thanks for the feedback guys. When I write something, I normally let the story cook for a while, this one's been cooking for about 8 months or so. I then sit down and write till it's done, every attempt of mine to pause then continue never happens. But I have a tendency to revisit my stories, add a bit, fix a bit, and give it some tlc to fix it's grammar etc. I was at home ill last week when I wrote this, took me about 4 straight hours of non stop typing. I realise there are many errors which I will get around to fixing. Thanks again. If you enjoyed this you may enjoy my other stories, everyone of them with a twist but this was my 1st "horror" type story You can find more of my stories under the scribblings section http://www.theselfishbastard.com/scribblings/ Thanks for the feedback guys.

When I write something, I normally let the story cook for a while, this one’s been cooking for about 8 months or so. I then sit down and write till it’s done, every attempt of mine to pause then continue never happens.

But I have a tendency to revisit my stories, add a bit, fix a bit, and give it some tlc to fix it’s grammar etc.

I was at home ill last week when I wrote this, took me about 4 straight hours of non stop typing. I realise there are many errors which I will get around to fixing. Thanks again.

If you enjoyed this you may enjoy my other stories, everyone of them with a twist but this was my 1st “horror” type story

You can find more of my stories under the scribblings section

http://www.theselfishbastard.com/scribblings/

]]> By: Mike http://www.pauldesousa.co.za/the-knights-of-dom/comment-page-1#comment-411 Mike Sun, 30 Jul 2006 20:51:38 +0000 http://www.theselfishbastard.com/?p=213#comment-411 Nice story line. A couple of paragraphs could do with a revisit I think (read the 'vomiting' paragraph to yourself. I think that's the main one). My main comment would be that you seem to have crammed an awful lot into a short space and as a result the second half seems a little forced with too much exposition. I can't help thinking this would work better as a longer story, maybe a novella, where you had a chance to develop the background characters and his history a bit more. Cheers Mike Nice story line. A couple of paragraphs could do with a revisit I think (read the ‘vomiting’ paragraph to yourself. I think that’s the main one).

My main comment would be that you seem to have crammed an awful lot into a short space and as a result the second half seems a little forced with too much exposition. I can’t help thinking this would work better as a longer story, maybe a novella, where you had a chance to develop the background characters and his history a bit more.

Cheers

Mike

]]> By: lydia http://www.pauldesousa.co.za/the-knights-of-dom/comment-page-1#comment-412 lydia Sun, 30 Jul 2006 15:22:40 +0000 http://www.theselfishbastard.com/?p=213#comment-412 Well, what can I say? I have said before that you are an amazing writer and this story proves it. I really enjoyed your other stories but I love this one. If only you had more time to write :( Well, what can I say? I have said before that you are an amazing writer and this story proves it.

I really enjoyed your other stories but I love this one.

If only you had more time to write :(

]]> By: Haas http://www.pauldesousa.co.za/the-knights-of-dom/comment-page-1#comment-415 Haas Sat, 29 Jul 2006 10:55:03 +0000 http://www.theselfishbastard.com/?p=213#comment-415 Really good work :) I knew the story would be good just when I started reading it, The control over what the reader knows and how to surprise him is really well executed. If you hv written more stories I would love to read them. I hv been writing short stories for a while now, If ur intrested you can check them out in my blog :) Really good work :) I knew the story would be good just when I started reading it, The control over what the reader knows and how to surprise him is really well executed.

If you hv written more stories I would love to read them. I hv been writing short stories for a while now, If ur intrested you can check them out in my blog :)

]]> By: Peety http://www.pauldesousa.co.za/the-knights-of-dom/comment-page-1#comment-414 Peety Sat, 29 Jul 2006 09:02:19 +0000 http://www.theselfishbastard.com/?p=213#comment-414 Very Interesting :D "There is much more to this selfish bastard than meets the eye!" Have a nice week-end! Very Interesting :D
“There is much more to this
selfish bastard than meets the eye!”

Have a nice week-end!

]]> By: James Cooper http://www.pauldesousa.co.za/the-knights-of-dom/comment-page-1#comment-413 James Cooper Thu, 27 Jul 2006 17:46:57 +0000 http://www.theselfishbastard.com/?p=213#comment-413 Interesting story, good twists, interesting characters. A few relatively minor typos or grammatical errors along the way that should be easy to clean up but overall well written. I'm inclined to think the ending would've been better left without the main character spelling out his saviors identities to the audience, however. And calling Lucifer "Lucy" was clever. Good job. Interesting story, good twists, interesting characters. A few relatively minor typos or grammatical errors along the way that should be easy to clean up but overall well written. I’m inclined to think the ending would’ve been better left without the main character spelling out his saviors identities to the audience, however.

And calling Lucifer “Lucy” was clever. Good job.

]]>