Why I hate golf
I cant stand golf (The Sport)
In fact I despise golfers and when I see golfclubs or golfballs lying about I cringe.
Why ?
The company I once worked for had a strict policy
“if you dont play golf, you don’t climb the corporate ladder”
Everyone played, from the tea lady to the cleaning staff to the receptionist and even the doorman outside the building.
Everyone of course, but me.
But I was hellbent on changing that.
I went off to purchase myself a bunch of clubs, took an afternoon off to practice my swing and set off early one sunday morning to meet up with the boss and the other suckers.
I placed my ball on the tee, I paid no heed to the fact that everyone else was warming up and stretching. I just wanted to smack that little round sucker to the green in 1 shot so that I could get over this golf thing as quick as possible and return to the safety and comfort of the internet.
I swung that club like a mighty axe and put all my force into that swing, in the hopes of perhaps skipping the 1st hole altogether and aiming for the green on the next hole. The way I figured it was just easier to bypass all the holes and get out of there as fast as possible. It was early, it was cold and I hadnt even had breakfast yet.
What happened next can only be described as the most horrendously painful moment of my adult life.
It felt like a cross between a splitting hernia, childbirth (possibly, I wouldnt know but hey), a stab wound and a swift kick in the nads all at the same time down the middle of my back.
I think the pain and ripping sensation can only be compared to grabbing your bottom lip and pulling it over the back of your head. Twice.
I tore the muscle that runs down alongside your spine.
I let out a blood curdling howl that could be heard probably as far away as the 14th Century. I hobbled away like the injured puppy that I was, humbled by a ball and a metal stick.
3 weeks of acupuncture and deep tissue massage later put me right again, but I sold my clubs to another sucker who had joined the company and was looking for golf clubs, also looking to climb the ladder.
When I took his money and handed over the clubs he asked me if there was anything else he needed.
I replied “Decent medical insurance” and walked on.
oh man this is so funny!!!! i hate golf too..it sucks haha
Just show your to weak to play any kind of sport you apsoloute loser.
Golf is the best sport of all
Hate it too.
Golf. Think of the mentality of this sport; hitting a ball with a crooked stick, and then, chasing after it….and then….HITTING IT AGAIN!! I say your lucky you found the thing in the first place, put it in your pocket and go home, you’re a winner! But no, dork-o in the plaid knickers is going to wack it again.
~George Carlin
Golf is for queers!
“if you dont play golf, you don’t climb the corporate ladder”
I wouldn’t work for a company that had such a policy, as I’m sure it would be rife with self-serving assholes and brown-nosers. I’m thinking a cardboard box in a wind protected alley would be a suitable alternative to employment.
Please tell me what company does this so I don’t accidentally buy any of their products or services.
What company does this? Pretty much most companies upper echelon has this as an unwritten rule. Good luck with that boycott.
Good god, I can’t stand golf either. I too worked for a company (a large mortgage bank… go figure) where it wasn’t “policy” per se, but not playing golf meant you were the one who had the problem. Not playing, or at the very least not acting like you are interested in golf, was essentially marking yourself for termination. It was this bizarre activity that everyone expected you to do or be interested in, and not participating was translated by the greater workforce that you had no interest in being a part of the company. It was vulgar. And it wasn’t played because people genuinely liked golf, it was played because it was seen as this bizarre accessory – as a badge of status – a way to declare that you were “successful” and greater than the common man somehow.
It was near impossible to get anything done or hold meetings on a Friday because everyone was always out playing golf. Every time you turned around it was a tournament (a “tourney!”.. gag) for some phony “first-world problems” so-called charity, and every time any kind of company promotional marketing schwag was made or distributed it took the form of something golf related (balls, tees, shirts, golf knives, golf towels, clubs etc.). Everyone had clubs in their offices, and casual days in the office were always a huge expose/fashion show of golf gear, golf wear, golf this and golf that, and golf golf golf. Constantly people were putting balls around in the hallways and in their offices. It was absurd. I have never seen anything like it before in my life. I never really thought much about golf at all before I experienced all that. But from that point on out, I have come to truly and sincerely despise golf, and especially the folks who are in love with it and/or wear it on their sleeve. And no, I’m not talking about Tiger Woods, or Arnold Palmer or whatever, who are.. uh.. athletes (i guess) who love golf the sport. I’m talking about the mindless droves of “businessmen”, and white-as-white-can-be, commonly sexist and racist douchebag male masses and their trophy tag-along wives who do it because they think it puts them on some kind of an exclusive, higher plane and in a superior connected class than everyone else.
Golf.
Truly disgusting.