Why I hate golf
I cant stand golf (The Sport)
In fact I despise golfers and when I see golfclubs or golfballs lying about I cringe.
Why ?
The company I once worked for had a strict policy
“if you dont play golf, you don’t climb the corporate ladder”
Everyone played, from the tea lady to the cleaning staff to the receptionist and even the doorman outside the building.
Everyone of course, but me.
But I was hellbent on changing that.
I went off to purchase myself a bunch of clubs, took an afternoon off to practice my swing and set off early one sunday morning to meet up with the boss and the other suckers.
I placed my ball on the tee, I paid no heed to the fact that everyone else was warming up and stretching. I just wanted to smack that little round sucker to the green in 1 shot so that I could get over this golf thing as quick as possible and return to the safety and comfort of the internet.
I swung that club like a mighty axe and put all my force into that swing, in the hopes of perhaps skipping the 1st hole altogether and aiming for the green on the next hole. The way I figured it was just easier to bypass all the holes and get out of there as fast as possible. It was early, it was cold and I hadnt even had breakfast yet.
What happened next can only be described as the most horrendously painful moment of my adult life.
It felt like a cross between a splitting hernia, childbirth (possibly, I wouldnt know but hey), a stab wound and a swift kick in the nads all at the same time down the middle of my back.
I think the pain and ripping sensation can only be compared to grabbing your bottom lip and pulling it over the back of your head. Twice.
I tore the muscle that runs down alongside your spine.
I let out a blood curdling howl that could be heard probably as far away as the 14th Century. I hobbled away like the injured puppy that I was, humbled by a ball and a metal stick.
3 weeks of acupuncture and deep tissue massage later put me right again, but I sold my clubs to another sucker who had joined the company and was looking for golf clubs, also looking to climb the ladder.
When I took his money and handed over the clubs he asked me if there was anything else he needed.
I replied “yeah, you need to have your head examined”